


if you'd care to listen.

by rotwound



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Drunken Ramblings, I suck at tags, M/M, charles is supportive of arthur and john, mentions of period-typical homophobia, not really much else to say, who doesn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:02:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27542782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rotwound/pseuds/rotwound
Summary: while the rest of the camp sings and cheers for little jack's safe return, arthur finds himself sitting away from all the noise with charles smith. and after he empties a few bottles, arthur tends to ramble if given the chance — about love, about death, and about john marston.
Relationships: John Marston/Arthur Morgan
Kudos: 19





	if you'd care to listen.

" i guess i just… wasn't ever the type'a man for that, settling down with a woman. a damn fool to think i ever could be, " arthur drawls, and underneath cascading moonlight his scornful expression is almost hidden had it not been for orange hues from the scout fire in front of him. across the way and on the opposite side of shady belle, arthur can hear the rest of the camp singing along while javier strums his guitar in practiced succession and all others sing along. " i tried, twice. mary… she was the first woman i ever loved. had a lot of hope in that woman, 'n a whole lot more foolishness to back it. but i was young and we fell apart over the years, she still writes me sometimes, and i'll write her back, but it sure ain't like it used to be. " the outlaw laughs, solemnly, under his breath. across the fire charles sits with his ankles crossed, slowly sharpening an arrowhead with his knife while he listens. the silence between them is merely momentary, extinguished after arthur takes another swig of whiskey and feels it burn down his throat. " met eliza, after her. sweet young thing, ain't meant to fall for her… don't know if she ever really felt the same. we met while she was still workin' at the saloon, 'n i was younger then so i paid her a couple times to try 'n forget about mary. real sweet girl, she ended up writing me too, and… well, i read that letter so many times i know it by heart now. she told me she was expecting, figured the child was mine and she wanted to see me again. "

" did you go to see her? " charles asks as arthur pauses, a faraway look sitting upon aged features as a half-smile edges on chapped lips.

" 'course i did, visited her as often as i could. things were looser back then, so i'd stay with them from time to time. she ended up havin' the most beautiful little boy… 𝘮𝘺 little boy. we named him isaac, and weren't that feller just the damndest little thing, " he chuckles that time, warmth in cerulean eyes as he recalls the young boy. it was all so many years ago, now. " felt like every time i visited he grew about ten feet taller. he was the smartest boy i knew… him and little jack would'a got on just fine, i reckon. " another swig, and arthur can feel the alcohol slowly burning at the pain that aches his heavy soul. " but he… well, he died, him and eliza. home robbery. never gets easier, sayin' that. think it just gets harder. " 

beyond orange flecks of light, charles purses his lips gently; thick lashes drape over deep brown eyes and he sighs, softly, in understanding. " losing someone like that… it's never easy for anyone. i guess the beauty is knowing you were ever given the chance to love that person at all. " he murmurs, and arthur nods in quiet compliance, before taking another drink. " what about john? " he asks, suddenly. half out of curiosity and half out of knowing arthur no longer wanted to talk about his boy.

" … what 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 john? " the blond repeats, heavy brows furrowing slow upon cerulean eyes and his gaze is cautious as he looks at charles this time, to which the raven-haired man simply smiles, and raises his hands in a false surrender. 

" you don't have to act like that with me, arthur. i can tell — about you two. i've noticed it; the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. it's okay. your secret is safe with me. "

broad shoulders release their tension at the words spoken and arthur tentatively purses his lips — to speak about this to anyone but john… it had been ingrained in him from the very first day they'd kissed, and spoken soft confessions that no one else would hear; NEVER talk to this about ANYONE. but arthur knew what he knew. charles was not that kind of man, to exile him for something so simple as love in the rawest form. " john… " his name slides easily past his lips, and instinctively arthur stops himself right there. so many years he'd spent in silence about his love for the man, and yet here he was, about to spill his guts just to talk about him. but the alcohol eases his mind and weathered cheeks become flushed as he thinks about him; john marston. john goddamn marston. " he's the only one that ever stayed, all them years. only one that… " whiskey-kissed lips thin into the faintest smile, and his stare strays to the other fire acrossed camp again, where john sat with his boy in his lap as they all sang and cheered for his safe return. " he's the only one that made me feel like this. i love him, more 'n i ever expected to love anyone. i know i must sound crazy, talkin' about… lovin' a man like that. can't imagine what i must sound like, really. "

" it's not crazy, " charles murmurs, and he's the type of man to speak with such confidence and assuredness as though he knew his words would translate into law, some day. so much so that arthur almost believes him, that he isn't crazy for a love like this. " you love him. that's not an easy thing to come by, for men like us: a love that'll stay, no matter who it's between. "

" yeah, " arthur sighs out, watches as auburn liquid pools at the bottom of his bottle and underneath drunkenness' soft haze he cannot recall how many he'd drank before this one. " don't ever get to talk about him, but i… well, he saved me. when isaac passed… he was there, even when i didn't want him to be he was there 'n without him i don't wanna know what i would'a ended up like. i killed those men that killed my boy, in a real bad way. john helped me get back up on my feet when i was at a real low point in my life, 'n i still haven't been able to repay him for that. don't know as i ever will… but i hope i can. i hope i can be there, when he needs me the most. " 

" you're a good man, arthur. i think john knows that without having to be repaid. "

" folk always say that, but i really ain't. i'm just another fool hopin' that love'll change him, i guess. " and with that arthur drinks the last few drops of his whiskey, tosses the bottle aside to be forgotten when camp moves on again, as they always do. " but when i'm with him… when i'm really with him, 'n we're alone… he makes me feel like i'm a good man. " the outlaw laughs, then, something bashful and true as weathered features suddenly flush pink. " sounded less like one'a mary-beth's novels in my head. " silence becomes of them after quiet laughter dies, and arthur slowly wrings his hands; anxious-looking now, almost. " listen… i ain't been feelin' as strong as i once was, these past couple'a months. don't know if it's my age catchin' up to me or somethin' else, but… when my time comes, 'n i know it's coming, see that john gets taken care of. him, and his boy, and… and abigail, too. i want her to give john the life i never could. "

" i will. "

" thank you. "


End file.
